This story is a narration of inspiration I got from my wife, Sadaf, from her incredible fight against breast cancer; her astonishing strength and perseverance during almost a full year-long treatment.

Today I see that one year as a wall-hanging, with frames of each and every moment of tears and laughter, fear and courage, despair and poise; on top of any other receipt from that raging phase, this tapestry is laced with the slogan of an absorbed affection which we never noticed in our previous 27 years of togetherness, i.e. ‘I Need You more than I Love You’. 

1.   Introduction: I Need You More Than I Love You 

‘I Love You’ are the three beautiful words everyone would have heard and said countless times in their lives, and why not? These words don’t just express affection and admiration, they also stamp possession, inseparability, solidarity and a promise of strength in the times of adversity. And, I truly understand the magic these words have in them; ‘I Love You’ is a bonfire of hope during our darker moments. 

‘I Need You’, carries a far deeper instinct. It is devoid of possessive quality of ‘I Love You’, instead a submission of someone’s incompleteness and declaration of strength in togetherness with his/her counterpart. Moreover, this package is an empty container without the built-in presence of ‘I Love You’ in it. 

Karolina Assi, Kate Miller-Wilson, and few others have listed hundreds of different ways to say I Love You; if they ever read this article, they will agree to the best replacement I have selected, i.e. I Need You more than I Love You! 

This tale isn’t just about the physical toll of the illness; it’s a testament to the human spirit’s amazing capacity towards endurance. It’s a demonstration of the power of love, not just between spouses, but from the extraordinary network of family and friends who became our ‘new village’ where we always found shelter, our source of strength during a time when the ground felt like shifting away underneath our feet. 

2.   The Prognosis: Our World Turned Upside Down 

It was 10^th February 2023, Sadaf’s birthday, when I received her biopsy report, confirming the creepy monster had surged within herself at multiple locations. I couldn’t tell her until the midnight before her birthday celebration finished for that day. But then, while my siblings were there with us, I had to tell her about what I got from the labs. 

It was certainly a blur of emotions. Shortly, with the realization of the trouble already built-up; fear, disbelief, and a sickening sense of helplessness settled over us. 

Cancer, once was just a clinical word that I have had heard several times, but in softer tones, buts now a painful reality we had to face together. Panic was like scratching my throat and fuzzy images of hospital gowns and sterile rooms flickered before my eyes. While with Sadaf, tears streamed down her face, frustrated, pounded in deep thoughts, crying louder and louder, puzzled, ‘why me? ‘Didn’t I deserve better? 

For us, the life earlier was a vibrant tapestry fastened with fantasies; a place of pre-set routines and comforting normalcy, which had been dissolved into a terrifying unknown. At that moment, I could only offer a silent prayer, a plea to God for strength to hold the wreckage of fear piling-up in front of us. 

Human nature finds its own treks. Amidst that despair, the dare sparked in her eyes, and with trembling but steady voice, she said ‘we have no other option but to fight, and we will, just bear with me’ That day, ‘Need You’ surpassed ‘Love You’ and any other words; and became an undaunting spirit, a vow we made to each other. 

She embraced the reality with a defiant smile: ’these are just hair, they will grow back’. And eventually they did; that was the endorsement of the fact that beauty exceeds appearance.

3.   Tackling The Fear: World Doesn’t End Here

 Fear is a natural response, but we did not allow it paralyze us. Our first move was to seek all possible information; researched treatment options and got connected with support groups who helped us with knowledge, experience and positive stories, which became our shield against the negativity that often threatened us badly during the course of entire treatment.

 Fear didn’t vanish overnight. But, our strategy definitely transformed this crippling monster into a manageable beast. We learned that a diagnosis isn’t a death sentence; it’s just the beginning of a tough. Knowing that she was not alone, Sadaf was surely determined to win and the magic of ‘I Need You more than I Love You’ was always there to work for her. 

4.   The Rollercoaster Ride: Cancer Treatment 

Treatment of breast cancer is a brutal assault on a woman’s body, and so was for Sadaf. It took almost one year to exclude tumors from her body, we witnessed lot of ups and downs during this one year, for which I only find ‘rollercoaster’ the best word to describe how we went through it and how we felt the ride. 

4.1. Chemotherapy

The first round of chemotherapy was particularly harsh, and deprived her of her beautiful hair. Watching her hair falling out in clumps was traumatic. I can’t forget, as each strand slipped through her trembling fingers, it felt like a cruel blow. 

The disbelief was intense, as she wondered ‘how could this be happening to me’. Tears streamed down her cheeks, mingling with the water from the shower as she cried out in desperation, ‘Why me?’ Each stroke of the comb, each pass of the brush, felt like another stab to her heart. 

When it was finally gone, when there was nothing left but smooth skin where once there had been cascading waves of hair, the shock was overwhelming. At that devastating moment, I could only assure her that she will not face it alone. The magic of ‘I need you more than I love you’ worked there and I could see her regain a little strength. 

Chemo’s impact wasn’t just physical; besides hair loss, fatigue and nausea became her constant companion. It greatly disturbed her immune system, making her more susceptible to infections. So, anxiety was probably the worst psychological impact among other bad consequences. But, again, her inner strength rejuvenated and after five or six chemo cycles, each completed session was a victory for us, a token that she was actively fighting back. 

For some time she distanced herself from the mirrors. Adapting to her changed appearance was a process burdened with emotional setbacks. Public appearances became a source of apprehension. For her, every glance and  each comment was like a judgment on her altered appearance. There were days when she desired to hide herself completely from the world until her hair grow back. 

But with time she embraced the reality with a defiant smile: ’these are just hair, they will grow back’. And eventually they did; that was a reflection of her resilience and the endorsement of the fact that beauty exceeds appearance. She started experimenting with scarves, finding ways to express herself despite the limitations. The initial terror of the disease gradually transformed into a firm determination to overcome it. Slowly, a new perspective began to rise. She realized that her worth wasn’t measured by her head full of hair. Her worth was in the laughter lines around her eyes, the solid spirit that glowed through her tired gaze. True beauty, resided in her resilience, in the courage to face adversity with grace and dignity.

4.2. Mastectomy: Scars On Her Soul

After completion of Chemotherapy, we started consulting for surgical interventions, which were mandatory to exclude the tumors from her body, as much as humanly possible. At several occasions she felt broken, but every time she was rescued. We found solace in the support of loved ones who rallied around us. Meals were prepared, errands run, and most importantly, a constant stream of love, laughter, and positive energy kept our home filled with joy. 

Mastectomy was a grueling surgery, leaving both physical and emotional scars, which only women can understand. Certainly, they are God’s most wonderful creations, very strong but too fragile! Physically, the surgery further compromised her immune system, demanding meticulous hygiene and extra caution to avoid infections. The scars will remain as a constant reminder of what she has lost, but they have become an insignia of courage, an evidence of her resilience and a testament to her fight for survival. 

However, along with the magic mantra of ‘I Need You more than I Love You’, witnessing the medical team’s efficient professionalism fostered a sense of trust and empowered her to believe in a positive outcome. 

4.3. Radiation Therapy

Radiation therapy marked a new phase. While the initial excitement of completion of chemotherapy and successful surgery was there, a different kind of fatigue set in; a dull, persistent ache that exhausted her energy and left her feeling drained. The daily commutes to the hospital, the sterile environment, and the monotonous routine were a hard blow on her consistent patience almost throughout the whole year long continued treatment. 

This time, the side effects were more internal. Anxiety about the long-term consequences of radiation therapy added a new layer of discomfort. 

Despite the challenges, radiation marked the final leg of our journey. Each session brought us closer to the finish line, fueling our determination to see this through. The initial shock of the diagnosis had given way to a quiet strength, and ability to overcome any hurdle. 

We found ways to incorporate naps into the day, learned to pace ourselves, and celebrated every milestone, no matter how small. Each completed session was a victory, a testament to our collective will to overcome. Almost all radiation sessions were done earlier in the morning. So, each session (victory) was celebrated with a breakfast at places of our choice and a constant reminder that ‘I Need You more than I Love You’! 

With the constant support of family and friends, she began to reclaim her confidence. We explored post-surgical exercises to help her regain strength and improve movement. She discovered adaptive clothing to adapt her new form, not disguised it. As she started regaining physical strength, her emotional resolve also proved stronger. 

5.   Side Effects: Physical and Psychological Trajectories

There is a multitude of post-treatment side effects. Informative accounts could be seen on the websites of several organizations maintaining a timely update with global statistics, like WHO, NIH, Healthline, breastcancer.org, and many more. The scope of this article doesn’t cover such details, but to highlight major factors impacting the quality of life of a survivor and her family. 

I will try my best to avoid any negativity that may arise after reading this article, but reality doesn’t hide itself. It is the desire to live that makes one stronger enough to bring life back to previous norms, as closer as humanly possible. 

Sadaf’s decreased physical capacity demand adjusting to new realities. The physical, emotional and psychological side effects of cancer and its treatment will go side-by-side with her, for a much longer time, even after the end of treatment; in fact for the rest of her life. 

The woman who used to lit up a room with her presence, now flickers. The woman who could effortlessly handle challenges like preparing a buffet for a big gathering at her home, now craves to be the same again. But, now, even the simplest tasks leave her drained, and I can see a silent scream trapped behind her tired smile.

The commonly disturbing side effects include neuropathic sensations in her feet, fatigue, skin bruises and scars, skin discoloration and pigmentation, mood swings, burning sensation around radiation area, pain and, above all, an immense difficulty in regaining confidence although her efforts to maintain high spirits are remarkable. 

One particular care, post mastectomy, is to avoid strenuous work including weight lifting and preventing skin damage. Sadaf has been asked to take special care since her lymph nodes have been removed which has disrupted her immune system. Any cut, bite, bruise, burn, or other injury that damages the skin on the arm, hand, or trunk on that side of your body can challenge the immune system and possibly lead to infection. 

The most critical risk is associated with work that involves lifting weight or a strenuous use of her hand. Any act of irresponsibility can trigger Lymphedema, i.e. swelling due to fluid collection anywhere on the affected side, which can cause variable degree of pain, discomfort and, in worst scenarios, may affect her mobility. Care is mandatory with responsibility, since so far there is no cure for this kind of infection. Unfortunately, these risk remain with the survivor for the rest of her life and never go away. 

No matter how strong you are, the psychological footprints seldom fade out. It is like a dense, mental fog; thoughts become twisted, memories pinch. Questions arise; ‘am I losing myself? Depression, being denser than this mental fog, threatens further. The once vibrant world seems muted, the joy seemingly leached out. The future bits out as a barren landscape, devoid of hope. ‘I Need You more than I Love You’ craves for her strength to push this darkness back in the hole. 

There are days of fear and frustration along with any other side effect. It’s important to acknowledge these emotions and find healthy ways to cope with them, e.g., surrounding ourselves with family and supportive friends, celebrating small events, and focusing on gratitude helped us co-pilot the emotional carriage. 

6.   Rising Again And Higher: The Learning Curve

Sadaf’s persistent spirit throughout this ordeal has been my greatest source of inspiration. Even on the darkest days, when fatigue threatened to consume her, she tried best to keep her hopes for the best. Apart from the treatment and its repercussions, the most important factor during her entire treatment was her patience, strength and adaptability to changes within her body.

Connecting with other cancer patients became a source of incredible strength. We shared sensitive stories, anxieties, and coping mechanisms. Laughter also marked our conversations in the hospital’s waiting lounge, nothing else could have been a better shield to protect us from negativity. Hearing their stories of overcoming limitations fueled our own determination.

We learnt that living with limitations didn’t mean giving up; it meant adapting and finding new ways to thrive. It meant focusing on what we could control, like ours attitude, and letting go of the things we couldn’t hold, like regaining her pre-cancer strength.

Here are some key aspects of her strength, besides the power phrase I Need You more than I Love You’. 

Positive Attitude: Choosing optimism in the face of adversity wasn’t always easy, but she actively sought out positive stories and surrounded herself with people who uplifted her spirits. Laughter also visited our home at almost all occasions, remaindered us that life still holds joy. 

Determination: There were moments when doubts sneaked in, but she never fully surrendered to them. She set small goals, celebrated every achievement, and focused on the end goal, i.e. a life reclaimed. 

Acceptance: Coming to terms with the limitations imposed by the cancer was a difficult process, but ultimately, she embraced them. She explored new ways to live a fulfilling life, discovering hobbies and activities that didn’t require her prior strength. 

Compassion: Sadaf’s illness didn’t make her introvert. She is always available to help anyone suffering through the same tragedy, offering a listening ear and words of encouragement. Her strength became a beacon for others facing their own challenges. In her own way, she has become a flare of hope, demonstrating to everyone that even in the darkest moments, resilience and hope can prevail. In short, she is an inspiration to everyone. 

These core elements intertwined to create an unshakeable, strong attitude. This display of strength and perseverance has the power to serve the foundation upon which we can rebuild our lives, a testament to the human capacity for strength in the face of adversity, and a notice that love and hope can lit-up the path to a brighter day ahead. 

The entire treatment, with its rock-hard challenges, taught us that recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s a journey of taking small steps, celebrating victories no matter how big or small, and learning to steer the emotional rides with love and perseverance. While limitations have become a part of our new lives, they are not the defining factor. The fight is far from over, and so are our spirits and fortitude to subjugate this disease and reclaim the control of our own chronicles. 

7.   The Power of Love and Support: Our ‘New Village’ Stepped In

If life turns into a battle field, survival alone is next to impossible. Our story is incomplete without acknowledging the incredible network of family and friends who became our village, our source of strength during this chaotic time.

Cancer is a brutal and isolating disease. It can easily make someone feel like facing the storm alone. However, the journey we embarked on, revealed a powerful truth: We weren’t alone. A network of love and support, a village in the truest sense, remained around us, providing an emotional and physical lifeline that proved to be invaluable during this challenging time.

Acknowledgement of the role of family and friends, i.e. our ‘anchors in the storm’, can only be justified to some extent by a separate account of appreciation, which will soon follow this article. 

8.   Ignoring the Noise: Filtering Out Fear- Mongering

Unfortunately, like any other serious illness, cancer also comes with unsolicited advices and frightening stories. Few of our sincere allies either share negative experiences or paint a bleak picture. It’s very crucial to filter out these stories.

Here’s how we handled this challenge: 

Authentic Info: We relied on reliable medical sources, both local and international, doctors’ advice, and support groups for accurate information. This practice helped us in taking well informed decisions while focusing on evidence-based treatment options. 

Limiting Social Media Exposure: Negative news stories and online are generally overwhelming. We limited our exposure to social media, instead focusing on positive support groups and resources. 

Setting Boundaries: Politely but firmly, we set boundaries with those who used to spread negativity. We focused on surrounding ourselves with people who offered support and hope. 

Thus, by focusing on reliable information and supportive voices, and placing the barrier quote ‘I Need You more than I Love You’, fear-mongering was restricted and we maintained a positive mindset. 

9.   The New Normal: Adjustments With Alterations 

Cancer leaves its marks, both on body and soul. Life after treatment presents its own challenges, defining a ‘new normal’ that needs to be embraced. 

The brutal intruder has gone, but left Sadaf contending with exhaustion and frustration. The worst outcome is not just the physical limitations, it’s the psychological crevasse, and I have no clue how to fill it. 

But, amidst the adjustments lies an opportunity to rediscover her hidden potential. The ‘new normal’ may become a springboard for a life filled with even greater purpose and appreciation. 

The woman who used to lit up a room with her presence, now flickers. The woman who could effortlessly handle challenges like preparing a buffet for a big gathering at her home, now craves to be the same again. But, now, even the simplest tasks like cooking for two of us may leave her drained, and I can see a silent scream trapped behind her tired smile.

But, she knows very well that the life has to move on and new normal has to be adopted. Of course, there will be adjustments with all those alterations that treatment has brought to her. We have to discover new venues for simple pleasures, like a walk in the park, a good book, new (easier) recipes, etc. These adjustments, however, can become stepping stones to a more mindful and jubilant way of living. 

The ‘new normal’ might look different from what one could imagine, it doesn’t have to be a life of limitations. It can be a life of rediscovery, resilience, and purpose. It’s a tribute to the human spirit’s ability to adapt, grow, and find joy even in the face of adversity. Embark the ride, focus on what you can control, find your tribe, and live with a purpose. 

My personal take out of what I witnessed during this one year of chaos and turbulence is that we are stronger than we think, and the possibilities that lie ahead are limitless. 

10.   My New Strategy – The EnerBrill Initiative 

Although my efforts aren’t up-to-the-mark, I struggle to reignite her spark. At times I feel helpless as I see her combating with her own limitations. Although cancer has taken its toll, it couldn’t extinguish her inner flame completely. Amidst darkness, hope is still alive. 

10.1. EnerBrill – My Expressional Platform 

With the onset of her illness, and the way it progressed and treatment prolonged, I saw her drowning and re-emerging every other day. Being her ‘third companion’ beside fatigue and nausea, I started thinking a lot about life, analyzing behaviors, uncertainties and our control on incidents. Then I realized the need of expression and created a platform, and named it ‘EnerBrill’, defining a fusion of energy and brilliance, inspired by Sadaf’s resilience. 

So, I intend to share my experiences, feelings and thoughts, with everyone, through writing at www.enerbrill.com. I’m sure, this ‘recreational activity’ can add vibrance and value to our lives, with a feedback that joy and creativity may bloom even in hard times. 

I vow to stand by her by all means, reminding her daily of her worth. With my this first ever blog, titled ‘I Need You more than I Love You, I pledge an assurance to do everything to help her reclaim the passion and energy she was known for. Together, we’ll traverse through this new chapter, to resurface the brilliance that still resides within her. 

11.    Conclusion: A Renewed Promise 

Cancer left its mark, but it hasn’t defined our lives.  Our journey has been a testament to the power of love, resilience, and the unwavering support of loved ones. Sadaf’s strength continues to inspire me every day. 

This story isn’t just about us; it’s a message of hope for anyone facing a similar battle. For them, it’s a prompt that you’re not alone. There’s strength within yourselves, and there’s love surrounding you.  Embrace the support of loved ones, focus on the positive, and never lose hope. 

In our case, our bond strengthened further during this trial. We cherished moments together, appreciating the fragility of life and the importance of living each day to the fullest. Even without saying, ‘I Need You’ became a renewed promise to cherish every day, to face whatever challenges come our way, and we make new memories together. 

I Need You isn’t just a phrase anymore; it’s the foundation upon which we’ve rebuilt our lives. It’s the unwavering support we offer to each other, the courage we find in each other’s eyes, and the firm belief that together, we can face anything. 

This journey might have altered our course, but it could not diminish the beauty of our lives. It provided us a chance to rediscover simple joys, the laughter shared with loved ones, the quiet satisfaction of a creative quest, etc. It was an opportunity to connect with others who knew how to build a community of warriors, each one was an inspiration. 

The path ahead may have its twists and turns, but we will face them with courage and with appreciation for each precious day. We will follow the trek, one step at a time, with rejoice. 

Finally, to ourselves and to all our fellow warriors battling this for life, let us whisper a message of unconditional support: Love you, Need You, forever and always for your strength, your resilience, your spirit; for the tears you cry, the battles you fight, and for the hope that burns brightly within yourselves. We Need you for reminding us the extraordinary strength of the human spirit. 

We are not defined by this diagnosis. We are survivors, warriors, and yes, even thrivers. Together, let’s celebrate life, embrace new possibilities, and write a future filled with hope, joy, and the unwavering love that surrounds us. 

And to Sadaf, I reiterate, ‘I Need You more than I Love You’

Cheers and thanks for reading 

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